Top 21 Useless Christmas Presents

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”

These useless Christmas presents are perfect for so many reasons, mainly because they are just plain FUNNY. We love the quote by Kin Hubbard above, but we think it should be applied to adults too.

You can say either “I love you and your sense of humor” or “I sort of care about you” or just passively aggressively tell them “I hated the gift you gave me last year”. You make the choice!

These make great stocking stuffers, funny friend gifts and hilarious options for a game of white elephant. Enjoy this curated list of useless amazon products here and leave a comment if you wish!

Happy Holidays!

1. The Cat Butt Tissue Holder

cat butt tissue holder

The Cat Butt Tissue Holder $39.95.

2. Handicorn Unicorn Finger Puppet

unicorn finger pupet

The creepy “Handicorn” Unicorn Finger Puppet $7.15

3. The Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Lock present

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Lock

Definitely get the combination first. Ice Cream Lock $25.01

4. The Pizza Blanket

pizza blanket

Pizza stains no longer a problem. The Pizza Blanket $24.99.

5. A Useless Package of Nothing

The gift of nothing package

For your self-proclaimed “minimalist” friends. A Package of Nothing $9.86.

6. A Jar of Nothing: so pointless!

Maybe you prefer your nothing jarred. The Jar of Nothing $16.

7. “Seamen” Sensory Putty Fidget Toy

semen stress sensory putty

Give the gift that makes them say “WTF?”. Seamen Putty $9.95.

8. Toilet Mini Golf

Toilet Mini Golf

Toilet Mini Golf only $9.95!

9. Canned Unicorn Meat

unicorn meat

Canned Unicorn Meat $8.99.

10. The Big Baguette Shaped Pillow

the baguette pillow

For your Francophile friends. The Baguette Pillow $13.99

11. Finger Hands

little finger hands

Why not? Set of 10 Little Finger Hands $9.59

12. Finger Hands on Finger Hands

finger hands on finger hands

For the guy who already has finger hands. Finger Hands on Finger Hands $9.56

13. A Gift for cats! Meow by M.E. Owmeow

Meow Book

Meow is written for cats by a cat! Awesome for that crazy cat person in your life: Meow Paperback $9. Also check out Woof Paperback $9.

14. The Farting Piggy Bank

farting piggy bank

For someone EXTRA SPECIAL! The Farting Piggy Bank $14.99.

15. The Banana Phone Headset

banana phone handset

For the cute Zoey Deschanel types. The Banana Phone Bluetooth Headset $39.99.

16. The Booty Pillow

booty pillow for sale

For the single friend the shaped memory foam feels like a real Yoga/Pilates/Fitness model butt. Booty Pillow $69.

17. The Toilet LED Light

So they can watch their poop glow! Toilet LED light only $11.99.

18. Flip Flops with Fake Grass

Ok the “barefoot everywhere” movement is disgusting. If you have friends doing this, try getting them to compromise with these. Flip Flops with Fake Grass $23.11.

19. The Grilled “Cheesus Christ” Maker

cheesus christ grilled cheese maker

What is more Christmas-y that the Incarnate Word Himself on your grilled cheese! Your Catholic friends could make every bread the Sacramental Bread without having to go to communion! The Grilled Cheesus Sandwich Maker $44.95.

20. The Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure

crazy cat lady box action figure

The same person you’d get the Meow Book (# 11) for. She even comes with 6 cats. Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure only $6.07!

21. The Nicolas Cage Face Pillow

Sequence Nicolas Cage Pillow Case

This must be hands-down the most popular on this list. IT. IS. GLORIOUS. The Nicolas Cage peek-a-boo sequence pillow for literally anyone is only $8.75.

Who would you get these useless Christmas presents for? Let us know what you think in the comments!

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