“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”
These useless Christmas presents are perfect for so many reasons, mainly because they are just plain FUNNY. We love the quote by Kin Hubbard above, but we think it should be applied to adults too.
You can say either “I love you and your sense of humor” or “I sort of care about you” or just passively aggressively tell them “I hated the gift you gave me last year”. You make the choice!
These make great stocking stuffers, funny friend gifts and hilarious options for a game of white elephant. Enjoy this curated list of useless amazon products here and leave a comment if you wish!
1. The Cat Butt Tissue Holder
The Cat Butt Tissue Holder $39.95.
2. Handicorn Unicorn Finger Puppet
The creepy “Handicorn” Unicorn Finger Puppet $7.15
3. The Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Lock present
Definitely get the combination first. Ice Cream Lock $25.01
4. The Pizza Blanket
Pizza stains no longer a problem. The Pizza Blanket $24.99.
5. A Useless Package of Nothing
For your self-proclaimed “minimalist” friends. A Package of Nothing $9.86.
6. A Jar of Nothing: so pointless!
Maybe you prefer your nothing jarred. The Jar of Nothing $16.
7. “Seamen” Sensory Putty Fidget Toy
Give the gift that makes them say “WTF?”. Seamen Putty $9.95.
8. Toilet Mini Golf
Toilet Mini Golf only $9.95!
9. Canned Unicorn Meat
Canned Unicorn Meat $8.99.
10. The Big Baguette Shaped Pillow
For your Francophile friends. The Baguette Pillow $13.99
11. Finger Hands
Why not? Set of 10 Little Finger Hands $9.59
12. Finger Hands on Finger Hands
For the guy who already has finger hands. Finger Hands on Finger Hands $9.56
13. A Gift for cats! Meow by M.E. Owmeow
14. The Farting Piggy Bank
For someone EXTRA SPECIAL! The Farting Piggy Bank $14.99.
15. The Banana Phone Headset
For the cute Zoey Deschanel types. The Banana Phone Bluetooth Headset $39.99.
16. The Booty Pillow
For the single friend the shaped memory foam feels like a real Yoga/Pilates/Fitness model butt. Booty Pillow $69.
17. The Toilet LED Light
So they can watch their poop glow! Toilet LED light only $11.99.
18. Flip Flops with Fake Grass
Ok the “barefoot everywhere” movement is disgusting. If you have friends doing this, try getting them to compromise with these. Flip Flops with Fake Grass $23.11.
19. The Grilled “Cheesus Christ” Maker
What is more Christmas-y that the Incarnate Word Himself on your grilled cheese! Your Catholic friends could make every bread the Sacramental Bread without having to go to communion! The Grilled Cheesus Sandwich Maker $44.95.
20. The Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure
The same person you’d get the Meow Book (# 11) for. She even comes with 6 cats. Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure only $6.07!
21. The Nicolas Cage Face Pillow
This must be hands-down the most popular on this list. IT. IS. GLORIOUS. The Nicolas Cage peek-a-boo sequence pillow for literally anyone is only $8.75.